Weird.

My birthday is Tuesday and it'll be the first birthday in probably 4 or 5 years that a certain someone and I won't talk. I couldn't haven't picked a better time to take a friendship break...*sigh*

I don't know how I feel about this friendship break we're taking, it's necessary but it's super hard. I hope it starts to get easier but I doubt it.

The reason why I did this? I depended on this person entirely too much instead of God or anyone else. I need to be satisfied in Christ before I can be satisfied in a friendship and so I had to take a break.

I hope that with time we can be friends again, but making a clean break is super hard especially since we have a lot of the same friends.

I love her to death, and I didn't want to do this but it's what it was coming to. I pray that we'll heal and come out stronger, but if not I'm gonna trust in the Lord.

I ask you to pray for us too.

Thanks guy!

Yours and His,
Kassie :)

I forgot.

I think today was something I truly needed, as bad as that sounds.

Thanksgiving, a day to give thanks...for everything.

I have a mom and dad still married, I have a grandma who lives with us, I live at home and it doesn't cost me anything, my grandma has been paying for school, I have siblings, I have amazing friends, and I've experienced a lot in my life that have shaped who I am.

The game came and gone but what happened afterward got me thinking...a lot.

Me and Caitlin went to eat and I invited my friend Aaron, and he came and we started talking. The more I started talking the more I realized that I've experienced a lot in my life that most people haven't ever and would kill to experience. My father being who he is, is a great account to how all that has happened. I've taken a lot of it for granted. Times I've thought my life was "so bad," boy was I wrong. I guess I just thought of most of it as "no big deal." Truly, it is a big deal. I mean I'm so blessed and lucky to live the life I have. Today awakened me to that, and so if I've ever come across cocky or whatever I'm truly sorry. I am going to work on being humble. I guess that's what the Lord is showing me right now. Humility is something we have to have and I am going to work on it. :) Thanks God! :)

Also I briefly shared part of my testimony with Aaron and he told me something along the lines of that's cool you have a testimony like that and you'll be able to share it with people and they'll be able to connect. It's kind of weird to think about. I always thought I didn't have a testimony so it was super encouraging to hear that.

It's nice to see Caitlin for more than an hour this weekend. :) We had fun at the game and it's good to catch up and talk to her just like the good ol' days. It's crazy we're halfway through our sophomore year in college. Who would have thought?

I had an amazing realization tonight of how truly blessed I am and how much I forget it.

I love you guys!

Yours and His,
Kassie :)

Thanks!

Howdy!

Man, it's been a crazy week!

I got a second job at the hottest place in Aggieland, Spoons Yogurt. It's a frozen yogurt self-serve place. We have 12 flavors of yogurt, you put the yogurt you want in a bowl then we have a self-serve toppings bar with like 50 toppings. You pay by the weight, it's a really neat thing to have. :)

I am working A LOT. But at Spoons I see everyone I know so it's kind of a socialization for me too. Haha. God knows I know the world. It's a fun job, it's just we're allllllways busy. Line out the door every day until we close.

Tomorrow is thanksgiving so I'm going to reflect on what I'm thankful for..I'll make it brief I promise. :)

I'm thankful for being healthy, having a loving family, having my parents still alive, having my best friend come home for Thanksgiving, all the food we will eat, clothes, a car, money, 2 jobs and the many blessings in my life. I'm also so thankful for the Lord and how He provides.

What are you thankful for?

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. -Psalm 100:4

We Remember

As I start to gather my thoughts about the last 24 hours I am overwhelmed with emotion. I don't know where to start but however I will try.

I was in 4th grade attending Pebble Creek Elementary. I woke up on the morning of November 18 like any other normal 9 year old would. Thanksgiving was around the corner meaning bonfire was around the corner. I was excited to go with my dad to watch it burn. Why? December 1, 1989 was a night bonfire burned and also was the night I was born. My mother could see Bonfire burning from her hospital room. Thus, bonfire and I had a secret pack. We were tight. :) Anyways, I wake up and go to school and notice the flags are at half-staff. I ask my mom why is this. She was like I don't know, and we turned on the radio and that's where we heard it. I remember the chaos of our town. Our town was distraught and College Station completely stopped that day.

I don't think it was any sort of craziness that 12 Aggies died. I think that was God showing us he was watching over us.

Last night at the ceremony at Reed I was moved. I think we should've had more people there, but the ceremony it's self was fantastic. Then I came home and napped then went the candlelight vigil. It was nice too. A lot of people were there.

The Aggie Spirit is stronger than ever I feel like and I hope it stays that way.


We Remember Them. 11.18.1999 2:42AM.
"There's a spirit can ne'er be told.."

Yeah you are...

I'm so tired of people saying, "you are good enough for someone, someone will be lucky to have you."

UGH.

Why does it seem like I can know everyone, yet have nobody.
Why does it seem like I can be completely surrounded, yet be completely alone and lonely.
Why does it seem like I can't be good enough for anyone these days?

I just hate this feeling. It's like I know everyone but no one wants to hang out with me or truly be my friend.

I know people are like you just need Jesus, but even when I have him I feel like empty and like I have no one and I just can't do that. I just wish people would actually take an interest in me, Kassie, the real me.
I just am sick of fake people, and it seems that's all that goes to A&M. I'm so sick of it. SO SICK.

All the girls around me have guys that will ask them to date parties, and formals and all that crap. I don't. I don't have anyone. NO ONE. I'm lonely and no one takes interest in me.

I'm tired of this.

Yes I'm whining, get over it.

don't post a comment or tell me "things will get better" i'm tired of hearing that bs. I'm tired of the cliche crap.

See what it's like in my life. I could probably name my friend in CS on one hand
I just wanna pack up and move out of this damn town, please?

I'm SO sick of this place, and the people. SO SICK.

Thanks for the call.

This weekend was not what I expected at all. Maybe that's a good thing? But no not really.

Friday I worked until 11AM. Went to the doctor for my stupid ear (I'm so ready to be completely healed from surgery in MARCH...ugh) I go in and he's like yeah we need to cut open part of year to relieve some pressure..."Oh awesome." So he numbs my ear and cuts it open. That night I was in a lot of pain. A LOT.

After that I run errands all day, then surprise at 2:12PM on Friday I get a text message....from Brad. I had to look at it about 20 times to make sure it was really from him. Anyways we text and he was coming to town that night and of course I wanted to see him since it had been forever. Well it won't be til late, which is fine anyways because I have numerous ring dunks anyways. Well I go to two ring dunks with Catie and it was super fun! :) Well I come home about 12:15 to nap until I hear from Brad. So I hear from him about 2:30/3ish in the morning.

We end up meeting up around 3:30...and as he drove up we both had the biggggest smiles on our faces. I didn't let go of him for like an hour. It was amazing. :)

We spend the next like 7 hours together, talking and catching up.....it was amazing. I miss him so much. I don't know where we stand, or anything but he means a lot to me. I was so incredibly happy to see him Friday night! It was the best night ever. :)

Well I sleep pretty much all day Saturday, since I didn't sleep the night before. I woke up about 3:30 to get ready for date party! :) :)

It was 20s themed and it was fun. I had a great group.

I'll post pictures tomorrow or something..maybe.

It was a good time. I went to the hall afterwards with Caitlin but their group wanted to leave pretty early. We went to Taco C ate then I came home and crashed until like 3PM today.

Caitlin left this morning, I didn't see her. She comes home for Thanksgiving, so that will be nice.


I'm about to crash!

2 weeks from Tuesday is my biiirthday!!!

Love you!

Be my Vision

Come meet us, King Jesus
Oh wind of change blow through this temple
Sweet Spirit of God, come and mend our hearts
For all we have are songs
Unless You come

Awaken what’s inside of me
Tune my heart to all You are in me
Even though You’re here God come
And may the vision of You
Be the death of me
And even though you’ve given everything
Jesus come

Come free us, King Jesus
It’s the only way that freedom’s given
From You and You alone
In the work You’ve already done
For all we have are songs,
Unless You come

Here we are, Lord
In this place
Crying out for
Your embrace
To hear Your voice
More than songs
Please come
Jesus come

Shane and Shane played this song last night and it stirred my heart. I want Him to be the vision of me until I die. He's the only way to freedom.

Lately the Lord has just been teaching me so much. I'm so full of joy and happiness when I'm consistently walking with the Lord and my life is so different. I'm seeing that I'm only truly happy when I'm walking with him all the time. For the first time in a long time, I'm truly happy. It's not just a show, I'm happy inside. It's such a great feeling. God is so faithful and good and mighty and indescribable and I could go on forever! :)

I'm gonna start typing up my testimony this week and I'll eventually post it. :) I think it's cool to share your testimony with people.

The Lord is faithful.

Happy Friday!
Kassie :)

AHHHH! It's finally the day I've been looking for!!

Hiding?

Hey! How are you?
Great!
Yeah Right.

How often does this exact conversation happen?

For me? Daily.

I could have just cried my eyes out but if someone asks "How are you?" Most of the time I just say "I'm fine."

That's a lie.

Why do we do this? Is it because we are truly shallow and don't honestly care how someone is doing? (I'm calling myself out on this actually)

Sometimes I just need someone to say, no really how are you? Caitlin has done this several times and it's like she cares, well I know she does, but I wish we all cared about everyone like that.

I'm gonna work on this. :)

Love you.

18 HOURS UNTIL I SEE THE BEST FRIEND :D :D :D

I am so blessed.

Mom, why can't I have that outfit, it's only this much money.
Mom, why can't I drive that car.
Mom, why don't we live in Pebble Creek, or Castlegate?

Have you ever asked yourself questions similar to that? Today I've been thinking about what I'm thankful for and blessed to have. I remember growing up, I mean we definitely weren't poor, but we definitely weren't rich either. I dressed nicely, got most of what I wanted, and most importantly: My parents supported me in everything I did.

I was a trainer all through HS and my parents thought that after the first week of spring practice my 8th grade year, which is where we went up to the HS for Spring football practice to see if Athletic Training was what we wanted to do.

Let's back up, I never was a tom boy at all. I started getting my nails done in seventh grade, and loved to dress up. I didn't really own a pair of jeans until like High School, not joking. I was such a girl. Athletic Training is dirty, you are outside in 100 degree plus weather all the time. So my parents thinking that I would quit quickly after wasn't unreasonable. But they didn't tell me that they doubted me until after my like second year in.

Anyways, I completely fell in love with Athletic Training. Freshman year I wasn't officially on Varsity football, and to work the varsity football game you had to get "Freshman Trainer of the Week" which was dumb. Meh. Freshman year wasn't my favorite, but we all have to pay our dues somewhere, right?

But thankfully my freshman year I got put on Girls Soccer for my spring sport. I don't remember how I felt about it at first, but I am so glad I got put on it. It was awesome. I was put with someone, but really it was just me. I did JV and Varsity and traveled etc. I loved it.

Sophomore year rolls around, we get a new Head Trainer and Assistant trainer...They were complete hardasses. That's the only way to describe them. It wasn't what any of us were used to. But it turns out they ended up being awesome.

A lot of people quit, and I was on JV and Varsity my sophomore year and my parents followed me to every away varsity game and supported me through everything. Like it was cool, I wasn't playing but yet they still came to every game and always encouraged me.

Sophomore year they acted like we wouldn't get the sports we liked because they wanted us to gain knowledge in every sport. I was upset I grew to love the Soccer team and really wanted it back, well I did end up getting it back.

Junior year was tough in the beginning but so amazing when I look back on it. I had my wisdom teeth out the week of work week for StuCo back to school and so I couldn't really talk. I'm walking in the hallway doing something, (I remember this distinctively.) Doc Woodall is walking and stops me and says "hey Kassie I have something to tell you." I was like yes ma'am. She was like "We've assigned you to volleyball for the fall." I was excited because my junior year all my good friends were seniors on the volleyball team! I was pumped!

The reality hit me. I was going to have to give up football and do vball. I got super upset. I sat down with my parents and we compared the volleyball schedule to the Varsity football game and guess what? Fridays were the EXACT same as each other. Meaning where vball was fball was too! :) As I look back on it, that was God man. There was just one issue and that was tournaments. I had to miss like 2 games and then one game at Leander, I think was being filmed for the TV show "Friday Night Lights." I told my mom, "Mom I'll be in Pearland but I REALLLLY wanna be at that game." She said, "Okay well we can come to pearland to get you then drive you to Leander. I was like WHOOP. haha. At that moment I realized how much my parents supported me. It was truly remarkable.

Junior year I got put on Softball, which I hated. I mean it wasn't awful but it wasn't amazing either. But my mom and dad came out to a few games. They showed their support always. Most people didn't have this kind of support from their family. It was so awesome to have that.

Junior year is when I was told to apply for Athletic Training at A&M. They I guess wanted me to come be a trainer for them. I thought about it for awhile, but realized at the time I wanted to do Political Science and go become a Politician. So training wasn't on my agenda. My parents supported me in that decision.

Senior year rolls around, and I'm pretty much the most expierenced trainer on the student staff, and I was pumped. Senior semester, graduating in decemeber what could be better? Oh right where is Kassie going to college? If you back up like 6 months I was set on getting the heck out of College Station because I had been here my whole life and I was so sick of being in the shadow of my dad and mom. But let's continue to where we are in the story. God was like "You aren't going anywhere Kass, you are going to A&M." I was like "Oh man, great. I'm going to hate it." Man was I wrong. I, as my mom says "Drank the maroon koolaid." I feel completely in LOVE with Texas A&M University and the people here. :) When I got officially accpeted to A&M my parents were so proud of me. As proud of me as they were when I was born. My mom scanned in my acceptance letter and emailed it out. Haha. :)

I am so BLESSED for loving parents who support me through thick and thin. They are truly always in my corner. They love me and stride to teach me so much. I love them so much.

The song "Butterfly Kisses" was playing earlier and it got me thinking. :)

I'm blessed.
I'm loved.
I'm alive.
I'm thankful.

This was my wonderful Wednesday post.

Love you guys!

Kassie :)

Why do I do this to me?!

I make my self sick sometimes worrying too much. I stress out over nothing, and my best friends have made well aware of this. I don't know why I do it to myself. I mean I know worrying doesn't make anything better. In fact, from my experience it makes things worse, yet I still do it all the time. What the heck, Kassie?

I stress out about nothing, as Brittney put its. I mean I guess she's right but for some odd reason, no matter how hard I try I still stress/worry about stupid things.

I'm going to try so hard to completely trust in the Lord, and then I'll have no reason to worry, right?

So yeah.

I miss my best friend, the one who keeps me accountable. I miss her! I don't know, tonight it just seems like we barely talk, and when we do it's short. I know we both have our own lives, but she's the one person I want to be there through everything. I want her next to me when I get married some day. I just miss the summer when we were together everyyyy day! This summer was amazing, seeing her all the time, and I felt like we were doing really well both focusing on the Lord. She's coming home this weekend along with two of her friends, and I mean I'm excited but I feel like we won't have Kassie-Caitlin time and I feel like I could really use that right now. I don't know I'm just rambling. I love my best friend, and I'm so excited to see her that's for sure.

I've decided I'm just going to be completely honest on my blog, I mean I guess it'll help keep me accountable too ya know.

I'm struggling with some things in my life and I just want to get over them sooo bad.

I'm doing better with alcohol, I mean I've had a slip up in the last month, but recently I went out and I looked around and I was so disgusted with the world and what it's full of. There were girls dressed in like no clothes, and alcohol every where. I was disgusted with what our world accepts these days. I just was like "this used to be me, but thank you Jesus for saving me from that." It just made me happy that I am not in that temptation any more.

I'm struggling with the whole who I am thing. Anddd just making true friendships. Just pray for me for this, I see God working in this area, I just need more wisdom in it.

I'm struggling with self-image. One of my dearest friends tonight told me that every girl does almost all the time. "Why am I not that pretty." "Man she can pull of that look, I wish I could." It's a constant battle, but I'm just trying to give it to the Lord.

I realized something this week, and kind of made my own quote. "To trust in the Lord fully; is to not worry fully."

How true is that. If we trust in the Lord 100% then we shouldn't worry about anything, and here I am worrying about stupid stuff. Something I need to work on.

I feel like in most of lives at this point in the semester we just need rest and to spend time with our God. That's totally what I'm feeling right now. I think tomorrow I'm going to go to both Breakaways and for the first one I'm just going to spend it with the Lord. I think I need that right now.

Love you!

Kassie

1 Peter 5:7
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Half-Marathon?

I was driving today and I was thinking. I'm going through a huge transformation on the inside, why not tranform the outside too!

So I've decided to start training for a half-marathon.

The Big D Marathon/Half-Marathon is April 11, 2010. I could probably do this one if I really wanted to but I think I might just do the 5K then and then in August do the Hottest Half...a half marathon in Dallas.
That gives me a while to train.

I really am going to do this.

:)

My ultimate goal: by my 21st birthday to have completed a half-marathon and be training for a full marathon!!

Temporary Home

I bought Carrie Underwood's CD last night and it's simply phenomenal! I started listening to the album and I came across the song called, "Temporary Home." As I started listening I just began to weep.

There's a story behind the song...Read the lyrics:

Little boy, six years old
A little too used to being alone
Another new mom and dad, another school
Another house that'll never be home

When people ask him how he likes this place
He looks up and says with a smile upon his face

This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passing through
This is just a stop on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know
This is my temporary home

Mmmmm

A young mom on her own
She needs a little help, got no where to go
She's looking for a job, looking for a way out
'Cause a half-way house will never be a home

At night she whispers to her baby girl
Someday we'll find our place here in this world

This is our temporary home
It's not where we belong
Windows and rooms that we're passing through
This is just a stop on the way to where we're going
I'm not afraid because I know
This is our temporary home

Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers, "don't cry for me,
I'll see you all someday"
He looks up and says,
"I can see God's face"

This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passing through
This was just a stop on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know
This was my temporary home

Mmmmm

This is our temporary home


The song's underlying message is that Earth is our temporary home. This song just speaks truth.

New favorite song? I think so.

Love you guys,

Kass

AFTERdark.

Texas A&M has one of the best christian student body's in the country. That's what I've been told by many people. And last night I saw us all come together.

For the last I'd say year or so I had been praying that the Christian organizations at Texas A&M would become unified and reminded of our one purpose, to Glorify and serve the Lord of Lords. How often do we forget that we are ONE christian body and just because one group of us has a different name than the other, we're still his people.

Anyways, 3 years ago an event called AFTERdark came to A&M and I attended, even though I was still in HS. It was incredible and it just opened my eyes to how great our God is.

Well this semester I got an invite to a Facebook group "Texas A&M AFTERdark" I started FREAKING out. I saw God as weird as it sounds, in that invite. I saw the Admin and I sent him a facebook message, little did I know me and him would become friends and he was our director, Adam Martin. He told me to send Laura Browder a message, who I later found out was the brains behind the student involvement. Anyways needless to say I jumped right in. I ended up knowing Laura's partner, I guess, John Sargent. He worked at camp with Amy Westervelt, my old YL leader. It's truly a small world.
Okay so, I went to the AFTERdark, which I will call AD now, meeting on a Sunday night. I jumped right in and got stuff going. Being from here, I knew businesses that could help us with fundraising. I got on a roll with that and started raising money for it. It was awesome.

That was 2 weeks ago, well fast forward to a week ago this past Sunday. This was our big push to hold signs and get the word out BIG TIME! I focused on AD because it was going to change life. We were up til 2-3AM filling spots and talking and stuff. And I was up at 6:30-7 most mornings for work and sign holding. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much.

Monday was our big push, all the shirts were sold, and everyone knew about it, so we hoped. Now we just had to wait. Matt Wertz arrived into town at 11:30, and at 12:30 I was having lunch with him. He's such an amazing guy. It was fun to have lunch with a "famous" person.

I thought time would never pass. But then it all came together. I walked into Reed arena about 7:30PM an hour and a half before AD started.

The stage was set, the lights were set, the production people were meeting, "exec" I guess you would call us, had our seats saved. Everything seemed perfect for the amazing night ahead. Before the doors opened I talked to Jordan Pugh, and Joe White. Both of whom were talking.

I saw it all come together at 9PM when everything started.

Matt played 3 songs then Jordan Pugh came up and gave a short talk. Jordan was great, short and sweet. Then he introduced Joe White, who actually was more introduced by a video of his family. Which was touching. Anyways, he comes up and introduces himself, then starts the drama. He starts off building the Roman Cross that Jesus would die on and is telling the story from the cross builder's perspective. He then uses some videos to show God's love. I don't remember a lot of what he said exactly but I realized how great the Father's love for me was. I sat there crying my eyes out because I was so broken from feeling the Holy Spirit so much. Joe talks about the Father's love and how much we need it, and then he goes on to talk about being a bondservant for the Lord. A bondservant is someone completely sold out for Christ. At the end, some guys hold up the cross and then asks everyone in the room to write down something we need to give to the Lord and bring it to the front to nail it on the cross to symbolize what Christ did for us. In exchange, we received a Gold Chain reminding us that we are chained to Christ and we are his bondservant.

SO MANY people came down, and people gave their life to Christ that night. It was INCREDIBLE. All our hard work paid off I felt like. To see my brothers and sisters give their lives back to Christ was amazing.

Matt Wertz came up and did a concert after everyone went back to their seats, Then eventually everyone left and it was over. Just like that, AD came and went. But as we were typing all the follow ups in the computer, it was cool to see what people made what commitments. People rededicated their lives to be bondservants, and people gave their life to Christ. It was amazing.

I just pray that TAMU was changed and revived and the people that were there would continue to live a life pleasing to the Lord. That's my prayer. I felt like God did amazing things last night and every minute of no sleep, and every hour of holding signs was worth last night.

God is so good. AD was amazing.

Did you go?

I pray that you have a great week.

In His Love,
Kassie

Joe White recited this and it's so true: