Life Stories.

Do you ever find yourself in a situation you've been in before? Almost exactly?

That's where I find myself right now and it just brings me to a season of sadness and pain. Having someone not be able to forgive you for mistakes you've made is so painful.

I just question why this is all happening, how I can fix it. Usually that ends up in making more of a mess but not with bad intentions. Sometimes I feel like people mistake my good intentions for selfish bad ones and it really hurts me. I know that all these situations are to make us stronger and better but it doesn't make them easier by knowing that. This situation takes me back to 2 years ago almost to the day and that situation didn't get fixed until Christmas. 6 months is a long time without having your best friend by your side.

I feel like I give and give and people just take and take and it leaves me broken and empty. I know partly it's my fault, but I just want everyone to be happy. I guess you can call me a people pleaser and it gets me in trouble because I get upset when everything backfires on me.

Maybe losing people from your life is a good thing. Maybe their story in your life is over, and someone else is coming in. But the thought of losing some of the closest people in my life absolutely destroys me. I know situations like this have a way of working themselves out but it's so hard, so hard to deal it with it alone. Right now I feel so alone, I feel like there's very few people who will actually listen to me. I know that sounds selfish and self-motivated and maybe this is God telling me to trust Him more and talk to Him. Maybe just maybe that's what I'm supposed to be learning. But man, it's so hard.

I am struggling right now with so much and I all want is happiness for myself and everyone around me. I know it'll come and I know God's plan is perfect but it is so hard.

I care so much about the people in my life and I never mean to hurt them or not listen to them. I just want the people in my life to stay. Sometimes I wonder if it's just easier to walk away than work things out, and I would always pick to work things out. I can't just walk away from friendships or relationships of any kind.

I'm just rambling because I'm a mess, at least I'm a beautiful mess according to God.

Just say a prayer for me.

Thanks!

There IS Life After Death

Ever have a night so ingrained in your memory no matter what you can't forget the day's exact details? I remember how my hair was done, how everything happened on September 15, 2006. It was one of the worst days I've ever been a part of. You an read about that day here.

I remember the day as if it happened 5 minutes ago. I will never forget that day because it drastically changed who I was. It reminded me of how precious life is, and every year around this time I'm filled with so much emotion.

I was so blessed to have known Ed King and his family. His little brother and my sister were/are really good friends. Although they moved to Maryland, we still stay in touch.

I'm sitting here in tears but laughing because I was looking at Ed's MySpace and his occupation when he had it, "LIVIN OFF MY FOLKS." I can't stop laughing, because that's something he would say. I remember his funeral, it wasn't depressing or anything like that, it was truly a celebration of his life. We laughed, we cried, and we remembered Ed, a guy who changed our lives. He was always so cheery, and happy. I remember when he would come into the training room and we would call him "Special Ed" and he'd be like nahhhh. Haha.

I'm so thankful for memories like this. I'm SO grateful to have been impacted by Ed and his wonderful family.

As we approach the 6th anniversary of the Lord calling him home, I am praying for his family. As well as the Naders since that day drastically changed their life too.

God is faithful and good, and I am overwhelmed and thankful.

With a full heart,

268 Declaration!

The 268Generation Declaration, it's such a powerful testimony! 

1. A PASSION TO KNOW GOD ABOVE ALL THINGS -
BECAUSE I WAS CREATED BY GOD AND FOR HIS GLORY, I DESIRE TO MAKE KNOWING AND ENJOYING GOD THE PASSIONATE PURSUIT OF MY LIFE.

[GOD, GIVE ME A DESIRE TO KNOW YOU MORE.] COLOSSIANS 1:16-18, JOHN 17:3, REVELATION 3:20, PHILIPPIANS 3:7-10, JEREMIAH 9:23-24, PSALM 16:11, 63:2-5, 73:25-28, ISAIAH 43:7

2. LOVE FOR THE LOCAL EXPRESSION OF HIS CHURCH -
BECAUSE CHRIST ESTABLISHED THE CHURCH FOR GOD’S GLORY, I WILL INVEST THE GIFTS HE HAS GIVEN ME IN THE LIFE AND MISSION OF MY LOCAL CHURCH.

[GOD, GIVE ME A GREATER LOVE FOR YOUR CHURCH, THE BODY OF CHRIST.] EPHESIANS 2:18-22, 3:20,21, 4:1-13, 5:25-27, HEBREWS 10:23-25, ACTS 2:41-47

3. UNITY AMONG BELIEVERS THAT AMPLIFIES HIS NAME -
BECAUSE GOD’S FAME IS AMPLIFIED WHEN BELIEVERS LOVE EACH OTHER, I WILL STRIVE FOR UNITY AMONG ALL CHRISTIANS ON MY CAMPUS.

[GOD, GIVE ME A DESIRE TO LIFT UP YOUR NAME ABOVE ALL OTHER NAMES.] JOHN 13:34-35, 17:20-26, 1 CORINTHIANS 3, PSALM 34:3, 12-14, 133:1, COLOSSIANS 3:12-17, JAMES 3:17-18

4. A DESIRE TO SEE CHRIST CELEBRATED WHERE I LIVE -
BECAUSE MANY AROUND ME ARE SEPARATED FROM GOD, I WILL SHARE THE STORY OF JESUS WHERE I LIVE.

[GOD, CAUSE MY LIFE TO AN UNMISTAKABLE SOURCE OF GRACE AND HOPE TO THOSE AROUND ME.] 2 CORINTHIANS 5:20-21, ROMANS 10:11-15, ISAIAH 6:1-8, MATTHEW 5:13-16, 1 PETER 2:9-12, PHILIPPIANS 2:12-16, 1 JOHN 5:14-15

5. WILLINGNESS TO SHINE THE GOSPEL TO ALL PEOPLE -
BECAUSE GOD IS SEEKING WORSHIPERS OF ALL PEOPLES, I WILL SPREAD HIS FAME AMONG THE NATIONS, FULLY PARTICIPATING IN HIS GLOBAL PURPOSES AND ENGAGING POVERTY AND INJUSTICE IN JESUS’ NAME.

[GOD, KINDLE IN ME THE DESIRE TO GO ANYWHERE, AT ANYTIME, AT ANY COST, TO DO ANYTHING TO PROCLAIM THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST.] PSALM 67, 86:9, 2 CORINTHIANS 5:18-21, ISAIAH 49:6, REVELATION 5:9-14, MATTHEW 28:18-20, ACTS 1:8, JAMES 1:27, PROVERBS 31:8-9, ISAIAH 1:17

Rescue Her.

I stumbled upon a picture of someone wearing a shirt that simply said, "Rescue Her." I looked up the organization that it was from, and it's about human trafficking. Every 30 seconds a child is trafficked. I can't comprehend that. My problems fail to compare with that.

Passion 2012 was almost 7 months ago. Where we raised over 3 million dollars to combat this major world issue. I have seen it be brought to people's attention. I was at a rest stop in Florida and saw a poster about human trafficking. People need to know that this really is an issue. The link to see where our money went is here. You can see the organizations we partnered with and learn about them, get involved. Teach someone else about this issue, even if you can't go overseas. Give a dollar, it makes a difference. I saw 40k young people band together to give 3 million in 3 days... God is big.

I can't imagine having my little sister trafficked into slavery or domestic work. I can't fathom it. I would probably want to die. But it happens every day, all day, every 30 seconds.

I know that my generation can change this. We can rescue people from this dark world and show them the love of Jesus. They need to know they weren't created for that life but for a life so much better than that.

They are worth diamonds, and rubies to the Lord, and that is powerful.

I was reminded how stupid my problems are compared to what is really going on in our world today. Slavery and the shootings in Colorado put your life in perspective. My biggest obstacle today is what I'm having for lunch. We, as Americans, need to snap out of this mindset that we have issues, because we don't. We are called by God to help the poor and needy and we need to do that.

God just kinda hit me in the face with this but I needed to hear it.

I hope you are blessed today,

Little Surprises!

I got a text this weekend that said "Is Dallas easier for you to come to?" I go yes. Caitlin goes "Good because I got a job!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I literally started crying and screaming. I have seen Caitlin grow into a beautiful young lady, and receive her degree from Angelo State to become a teacher. Do you know how exciting that is? To see someone get something they deserve? She'll have her own classroom and an aide! Children will be calling her "Miss Walker" and this makes my heart soooo happy.

I can't wait to visit her and see how cute her classroom is.

Good things do come to those who patiently seek the Lord, and do His will. Caitlin is living proof.

I am so proud to know you and be a part of your life. I am blessed by you in so many ways. I can't wait to see you grading papers and having your own classroom for me to visit! So excited for you, Miss Walker!!

My heart is full from this good news!

:)

Your Own Hero

My life is just that, mine. No one controls my destiny, my future, except God and myself. I think sometimes I just fail to realize that. I just feel like I'm at this place in my life where I don't know what the next step is. I don't know where I want to go in my life. I don't know who I want in my life, I don't know anything. Do you know how frustrating that is? It's like a brand new puzzle, you have 500 pieces in front of you and no idea where they all go. We're so ready for the end result, but it takes time, and patience.


I'm an adult, I'm supposed to have my shit together. I don't. Will I ever? I feel like it's so hard to figure out what the hell to do. Society tells us all these things, my parents tell me things, my friends tell me things, who the hell do I listen to? You hear all these voices and opinions, you forget what your own head is telling you.


I feel like I get so exhausted from loving people, trying to please everyone. Do you know how that feels? It wears you down. It takes everything out of you. But, I want everyone to be happy, even if I'm not. 


There's a situation in my life currently that is a jumbled mess. It pulls and tugs at me in a hundred different ways. Do you ever just question why you can't forget about someone, why you can't bring yourself to let the situation go? For some odd reason, I can't let this situation go, and believe me I've tried. But I keep going back even though I know I'm going to get hurt, but maybe that's where I stumble. I cling to that 1% chance that something amazing will happen. Maybe, sometimes wanting the impossible is where I fail. I cling to that tiny chance, because at least it's something, right? Maybe that makes me crazy, ridiculous. But it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring right?


There's just something in my heart that can't bring me to stop. I know I should just let it go, and forget about it, but I can't. The thought of doing that makes me sick, and I don't know why. They are worth it to me, so worth it. But when two people keep finding themselves back with each other.. what does that mean? It means that we think something differently than is actually there. And that's precisely why I have hope.


It's that 1% chance that something magical will happen, because you never honestly know, right? But how do you know if it'll happen if both people don't honestly give a chance? I guess that's where we, as society, fail.


It's taught to girls, for as long as I can remember, that we'll all have a prince charming and we'll be swept off your feet the moment you meet him. Is that true? I definitely don't believe so. If it doesn't happen right away, then we quit. We put this mental block up in our heads that it's not going to work. But why? You could be letting the most perfect person walk out of your life, without even trying. 


How long does it take? I don't know. But I think getting to know someone, I mean really getting to know them, takes a lot longer than 3 months, or 6 months. I think it's a constant process, and that's what makes it worthwhile. I think we all put on a little bit of a facade, because letting someone in is scary. It's scary to open yourself up to be vulnerable. To put yourself out there. It could destroy you, take everything out of you, but it could be the best thing that's ever happened to you. Sometimes letting your guard down is the best thing that could possibly happen.


Society has our idea of love, relationships, and friendships all skewed. No one compromises these days, everyone's in it for themselves. No good relationships come out of that. Look at the rate of divorce, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Does that not scare you? It scares the crap out of me. It's because we live in a "me-society." It's always about what we, as individuals, want. Relationships of any kind take work, they don't just happen. The happiest couples you think you see, could go home and fight every day. I think that's how relationships blossom, through fights, talks, and emotions.


My best friends and I have all been through huge fights. Where we don't talk for months, but in the end we talk about what's going on, we learn from them, we grow as people. The friendships that I cherish the most are the ones I've been through the absolute worst with. That's how people grow.


We meet someone, and we think in a year we should be married with the white picket fence. I don't think that's how true love works. I don't think that's how you build a life. You build a life by taking it slow, getting to know them. Not rushing the physical side of things, not rushing titles, just living in the moment. Me, of all people, know how hard that is. I just want to rush and figure out what the hell is going to happen, but that's not how life is. Life is slow, and takes it's time. 


I think sometimes when you see this happening, you have to take a step-back and slow down or start over. Sometimes surprises and second chances do happen. And when they do, you’ve gotta not be afraid to let them happen.

I think we, as women and men, have this picture in our head of how it's suppose to be because we see all these other people happy. But no two love stories, relationships, friendships are the same. If what you've always been doing isn't working, why not try something new? Try a new way of doing things.


Maybe the truth is, it shouldn’t be easy to be amazing. Then everything would be. It’s the things you fight for and struggle with before earning that have the greatest worth. When something’s difficult to come by, you’ll do that much more to make sure it’s even harder; if not impossible; to lose.

Sometimes, you have to realize that you have to be your own hero. 

I just don't even know...

I am just udderly stressed and upset with everything. Do you ever just feel like you're having things go your way for awhile but you know something bad is going to happen? Well here's that bad stuff happening at once. My head and heart just hurt. I just don't know where to even go anymore. I just feel completely lost.

Do you remember being a kid and going to get an ice cream at McDonald's made you the happiest kid in the world? I just want to feel like that again...

This world we live in is messy, and stressful. I don't feel like I'm ever not stressed and it weighs on you. Everyone has problems but I just feel like I can't catch a break. I know, I know, it'll come around, but damn I get tired of hearing that.

I'm just lost, and I need to do some serious soul-searching.. Who knows..

Steady my Heart by Kari Jobe

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart

Rest Reminder

God is so amazing, and I feel like sometimes I just forget that, but he reminds me.

This morning, as usual, I got to work and opened YouTube and for some reason Kari Jobe's "Find You on my Knees" came into my head so I started listening to it on YouTube and I stumbled across some of her other songs. I just started weeping at my desk because the lyrics were so refreshing and encouraging. One of the song's I completely fell in love with, "Here." The chorus is this:

You'll find His peace and know you're not alone anymore, He is near. You'll find His healing, You're heart isn't shattered anymore, He is here. Breathe in, breathe out, You will, You will find Him here. I will rest in you..

It's so refreshing and encouraging to be reminded that we need to just rest in Him. I've been so busy, and I'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted but I heard that song and I just had a peace come over me. God just reminded me "IT'S OKAY!" How awesome is that?

Her voice is so calming and peaceful. I came across another song "Steady My Heart."

But You're here, You're real. I know I can trust You, even when it hurts, even when it's hard, even when it all just falls apart. I will run to You, 'cause I know that You are lover of my soul

Healer of my scars, You steady my heart, I'm not gonna worry. I know that You got me, right inside the palm of your hand, each and every moment. What's good and what gets broken happens just the way that You plan.

That last line... ouch. His plan is perfect, we need to remember that. We have bad and good times but they are part of his plan!!

This morning I was just reminded to rest, something so simple, but yet I feel like I never do.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28


I'm so glad it's Friday, I get to go to Houston and REST and enjoy a party for two important people in my life. Funny how God reminds us of simple things we never do!

Be blessed,

Good in Goodbye?

Sometimes life hands you things we don't think we can deal with, like un-sweet lemons. We, as humans, take them and throw them away instead of using what we have, like sugar and making lemonade. Life is kinda like this, we're handed terrible situations, and we run instead of asking God for help and adding his wisdom to the situation and making it work.

I'm learning this in my life right now. Some of the recent situations I've been put in absolutely BLOW, and instead of turning to God, I just run or do everything I think I can to fix them, which makes it worse. As a Christian, I know that I can't do anything on my own, one of the most common know bible verses tells us that we can do ALL THINGS through CHRIST who strengthens us. Why do we forget this? 

Tonight was a rough night for me as something that I thought was good, ended in my life. It wasn't something that had been going on for a long time, but I thoroughly enjoyed the last few weeks I spent with someone. It's so hard to let someone go, and to tell yourself you are gonna let them go. I am so confused and hurt right now because I honestly don't know what to do. Do you ever just wonder why you're feeling a certain way if it's not supposed to pan out? Like there's some lesson in this whole situation but you don't know what is, yet? It really bothers me, because I've asked my friends why I feel this way if nothing is supposed to happen. They have all told me to teach you something. So what is it? I guess I don't know, but it'll click sometime soon.

I think we have to let people go out of our lives, not because we want to, but that's the only thing left to do. Maybe there is Good in Goodbye. I found a quote that explains that perfectly..

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It's not like you're giving up, and it's not like you shouldn't try. It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

I'm trying to figure life out, aren't we all? I think it's a slow, slow process. But, I think it'll come together perfectly and I know it'll be God's plan for my life.. Just gotta trust.

Carrie Underwood's new CD came out, and it's amazing! Go check it out, for sure. A song on there kinda relates to this situation, it's called "Good in Goodbye." The lyrics are below. :)

I heard you laughing in a crowd outside a restaurant we used to go to
I caught a glimpse that stopped me in my tracks
It took me back
You looked happy with that little girl on your shoulders, happy
I know where she got those crystal eyes of blue
Time’s been sweet to you

As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn’t get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding on to someone that you gotta let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
Sometimes, yeah sometimes, there’s good in goodbye

I don’t regret it
The time we had together
I won’t forget it
But we both ended up where we belong
I guess goodbye made us strong
And yeah I’m happy
I found somebody too who makes me happy
And I knew one day I’ll see you on the street
And it’d be bittersweet

As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn’t get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding on to someone that you gotta let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
Sometimes, yeah sometimes, there’s good in goodbye
Yeah, yeah

As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn’t get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding on to someone that you got to let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
Yeah someday you’ll see the reason why
There’s good in goodbye, yeah
There’s good in goodbye

Blessed, grateful, and content. God is good, all the time. :)

love always,

White Flag

The Passion CD finally came out 10 days ago, and it's seriously one of the best CDs I've heard in awhile. I mean, I'm biased because I heard all these songs at Passion in January, but they are such good anthems to the Lord.

Lately, one of the songs I'm obsessed with is Christy Nockels singing "Revive Me." It's become my prayer.

Here are the lyrics...

Chorus:
You revive me
You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor
All for You
You revive me Lord

Lord I have seen Your goodness
And I know the way You are
Give me eyes to see You in the dark
And You face shines a glory
That I only know in part
And there is still a longing
A longing in my heart

Chorus

My soul is thirsty
Only You can satisfy
You are the well that never will run dry
And I'll praise You for the blessing
For calling me Your friend
And in Your name I'm lifting
I'm lifting up my hands

I'm alive
I'm alive
You breathe on me
You revive me

I just love the lyrics, only He can revive us, and He is so good and faithful. I just love this son.

Check out the whole CD, every song is amazing.

Be blessed,

Change of Plans

Things are completely out of our control most of the time. We change residences, we change jobs, and sometimes these aren't out of choice. This recently happened to me.

Remember how I got that job I thought I was supposed to be at? Well 3 weeks later I'm not working there, not by choice. It was a really strange situation, but that's where trusting in the Lord came into play. I had to completely trust Him that this was going to work itself out. 3 days after losing a job I'm working part-time at a different one, He is faithful.

This theme of trusting Him has been so prevalent in my season of life right now. Trusting Him in that my parents are helping me make wise choices with my money, trusting in Him with my friendships, trusting in Him with the decisions I make that shape my future. I think in the last 22 years of my life I've really not trusted Him 100%. I know that. But the last month has really taught me to just trust HIM. Things will come and go, people will stay and they will go, but our God is FOREVER. He will always be there, even when we don't trust Him.

A quote keeps coming to mind regarding this, and my season of life: When you worry that means you aren't trusting God 100%. OUCH.

Those who know me, know I worry allll the time. It does me absolutely NO GOOD, in fact it probably hurts me more. Philippians talks about going to God in prayer and petition, and not being anxious about anything because He's got this. I fail to remember that daily, hourly, minutely. I try and try to plan my whole life out, and thing I'm going to be somewhere for awhile, then BAM, that changes in an instant. When God closes a window, He opens a door. Just gotta trust Him.

I've got so much going for me, I have amazing, loving parents, a great family overall, good friends who are there to listen to me cry and laugh, and an amazing God who loves me beyond all comprehension.

This season of life is teaching me so much and I'm so grateful for the trials and joys I have been going through in the last month or so in my life.

With a full and grateful heart,

72 days

February 27th 268 Generation started 72daysforfreedom.com to combat and make known the significance of human trafficking in the world.

Most people have no idea that this is a major issue in the world. Before I went to Passion 2012, I had absolutely NO idea that it was this big of an issue. Human trafficking was happening right there in Atlanta. It was mind blowing really, that 27 million people are in modern day slavery. Who would have thought?

So back to the 72 days. It's a campaign that includes prayer, donations, and the rising of the Freedom Art Installation. It's a hand that was created at Passion 2012 that has prayers and numerous other things written on fabrics created by slaves and such. It was on International Plaza at the Georgia Dome during Passion 2012, but came back down. So Louie Giglio worked with the city of Atlanta to get it up again, and it's up right now for 72 days at Passion City Church. It's truly a testament to so many things. One being how Passion 2012 raised 3.5 MILLION dollars for slavery. Incredible!

So I encourage you to get educated on this major issue, to go to the 72 days for Freedom website, and see what they are doing. Whether you are Christian or not, this is a modern day issue. Learn about it, get educated, see what's being done to combat it. It's truly inspiring to hear some of the stories. The Freedom Film is posted on the website and I encourage you to watch it. It'll truly make you think twice.

Here's to 72 days towards FREEDOM!

In Christ,

Okay

I'm having this early twenties freak out right now.

My sister is about to graduate from high school and start college to become a teacher. My best friend from high school is graduating in May to become a teacher. My best friend in College Station is going to grad school in the fall and getting married in a year. I'm working full-time at a job with benefits. My best friend who went to school in Florida just moved back and she's going to get engaged this year, and she has a real job. It's crazy to think about.

I'm freaking out.

When did we grow up? When did we become adults? I'm absolutely excited for everyone but it's so scary to think that in a year we'll all be at totally different places because we're finally, for real this time, growing up.

Does this not freak anyone else out? 4 years ago I was about to walk across the stage to get my high school diploma. Now I go to work every morning and earn a paycheck. It's mind blowing how fast the last 4 years have gone by.

I think the friends I have are going to be there forever. I'm absolutely blessed with the people in my life, and I'm excited about all of our futures. My best four friends that I have, I wouldn't have told you that the 3 I met not in high school would be my best friends. But I love it!

I need to step back and write down my life plan, because I need to see where I wanna be in a year, or 5. I have no idea right now. It's changed so much in the last few years.

All I know is I'm loved by a God so much bigger than anyone could. I'm absolutely blessed to have the family and friends in my life.

Insecurity

I think my biggest flaw in life is being insecure. People never would guess this by the way I act, but I know it's my biggest obstacle. But why?

My friends always tell me no need to be insecure, find yourself in Christ, and everything will fall into place. But, let's be serious, when you hear that you're like, "yeah, okay." Sigh. I know I'm absolutely perfect to God, and I'm made in His image but the world sucks. The pressure that women constantly feel is so unnecessary. Except, it affects us so much. When you go to Wal-Mart there's a whole aisle dedicated to weigh loss supplements, and dietary foods etc. While, there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a certain size, obsessing over it is not the way to go. I don't want someone to like me for superficial reasons, because that's not going to last. I want you to like me because I'm me and I have a heart who longs to love someone, as scary as it is.

But who are we? We are in the world not of the world. We are of Christ. But do we actually understand what that means? We were formed in His image, and that means we are beautiful. It's a hard thing to grasp but it's so freeing. To know, that there's nothing to be insecure about, nothing to hide because the only one that we need, loves us so unconditionally it's crazy.

Being insecure is an obstacle, but lately I've been spending time with the one who loves me the most, Jesus, and it's really helping me. It's just amazing to see how in the bible he spells out how much he loves us and how we are his. It's refreshing, really. It's something I'm constantly working on because I do not want to be insecure. I know I'm the daughter of the most high King, and he loves me unconditionally. And that is enough!

Forgiven beloved, hidden in Christ, made in the image of the Giver of Life, righteous and holy, reborn and remade, accepted and worthy this is our new name. This is who we are now.

Something I'm working on, and through Christ all things are possible! :)

Be blessed,

You just know...

God has intricately planned my life, and I don't know what it entails entirely but I do know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Ever just wake-up and realize that it's okay to go against the life plans you've had for years? The industry you thought you'd be in forever, just isn't where you want to be anymore. But, to be honest you had absolutely no idea what job you were going to end up with? I was no longer working in a hotel setting, but I had no job prospects and no idea what I was going to do. It was stressful to say the least. I was applying for jobs everywhere online, forgetting half the time to where I was applying. It'd been about a week and a half and I didn't think I was getting anywhere. Last Wednesday I got a call to come in for an interview at an apartment complex for a full-time leasing agent. I thought this would be absolutely perfect for me, because I've worked in real-estate a little before, while it's different than real-estate it's similar. Well I got offered the job two days later. Can you say, JESUS?! The job pays well and I can get benefits, it's truly a blessing.

So I started yesterday, and I had no idea what to expect. I didn't do a lot because everyone is getting ready for a housing fair at A&M today. I just feel that I'm supposed to be here. I'm supposed to show up to work every day filled with joy. I'm supposed to love my coworkers more than I ever have before. I'm supposed to love all the residents here, and just be full of joy. I just know I'm supposed to be here. I just all of the sudden have this absolutely new attitude on life. I'm so thankful that before we were born God knew where I was going to go in life. He knew I was going to be sitting at this desk just overwhelmed with His presence and love for me and my coworkers. I just know that this is where I'm destined to be at this exact moment, and I'm absolutely okay with it.

I think we, as humans, fail to realize we can't control our future as much as we think we can. God has our lives planned and knows what we will be doing. We need to follow and listen to Him, and TRUST Him.

I went to Passion 2012 in January, and I have been listening to the music and talking to people from it, and I just have realized how my problems fail in comparison to most. 27 million people are in modern day slavery. My problem of not having money fails in comparison to the girls who die because of modern day slavery. God will win this war, and we will help. It's amazing how much human trafficking has been in the news since Passion. It's really awesome how many people have come together to support this cause.

I'm just completely overwhelmed by God's grace and plans for my life.

I absolutely love Ephesians 6:19, Shelley Giglio tweeted it after Passion and I love it.
"Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel."

I just know God's plan for my life is coming together, and I'm absolutely excited about the future. SO excited. <3

27 Million

God had a plan for me to go to Passion 2012, but it didn't come together until the first week of December.

I stumbled upon Beth Moore's Living Proof Ministries blog back in September, and they had a blog up that was Beth's heart to send 1000 women to Passion 2012 who couldn't afford it. There was no way I could afford to pay for Passion to go. I felt like I should apply, not knowing what would happen. I applied, 10 minutes later I got the email saying I received a scholarship. I thought, well okay God if you really want me to go I have to find a hotel, a ride, and people to go with. But I was trusting in Him, well sort of. He was on the back burner. I looked on our Hilton Employee rate website and there's a room at the Hampton about a mile away from the Georgia Dome for $29.00 a night for the EXACT dates I need. "Okay God, I have a hotel, now I need a ride."

So it's October and my best friend and I aren't talking, so she's out of the picture. Another girl I knew was flying with her parents. Great, I have no one to go with. Well my best friend and I work things out in November and she mentions she wants to go to Passion, well we started figuring things out. I have the hotel, one of her friends works for Allstate and got us a rental car for 9.00 a day. (AWESOME!) So it looks like we're going to Passion! God wanted me there, and He made it possible. Well it's second week of December and I'm not getting hours at work, and money is tight in my family so I had no idea how I was going to pay my share of the hotel and parking, and gas. So I send some emails to people in my church asking if they know anyone who can help us. The never responded. I emailed Living Proof, and tell them that I can't find anyone to sponsor our hotel, if you know anyone who can. I sent this email, like middle of November. I got a response December 23rd. The response was Living Proof will pay for your hotel, send me your confirmation and all that. PRAISE THE LORD. He worked that out too! My parents gave me cash for Christmas for gas. God really wanted me at Passion 2012. It's January 1st and we're on the road to Passion with everything worked out, Praise God!

I'm at Passion and I'm loving looking around and there being 44,000 18-25 year olds there worshipping God and proclaiming His Glory. My favorite Christian artists in the world were there: CHRIS TOMLIN! Charlie Hall, Hillsong, Lacrae, Christy Nockles, Matt Redman, Kristian Stanfill, and David Crowder Band. It was amazing. And the speakers, Beth Moore, Francis Chan, John Piper, Christine Cain and Louie Gigilio of course. Seriously so amazing.

Louie opened the conference talking about Luke 7&8 about God stopping our funerals! He really opened my eyes about the power of Christ. God doesn't want us to die, but to live for him! Francis Chan talked about just doing what the Gospel says. His sermon was so simple yet so eye opening. We sometimes think, "Oh they'll do it." NO! Just do it yourself!

And John Piper blew my mind. He talked about the supremacy of Christ. He said that Freedom is being so in love with Christ that you do exactly what you want to do, and it is accords with His will. There will be no struggle in Heaven to obey.

Bam. If we're living in Christ's will, we'll do what we want but it'll be of Christ. How powerful is that?!

Beth Moore, John Piper, Louie and Lecrae read the book of Ephesians one morning and it was powerful. Such an amazing book of the bible.

Our mission, or Do Something Now, was talking about the 27 million slaves that are in existence today. 27 MILLION. more than ever before. Louie's goal for the 44k of us was to raise $1 million dollars for this cause. People were waiting in line for hours to give their money, broke college students. We raised $3.1 million. To God be the glory.

It really opened my eyes of how blessed we are to live the lives we live. How it's our generation that will stop this. Our generation will rise up. We will change the world and create FREEDOM for people.

One of the songs that we heard for the first time at Passion was incredible. It talked about waving our white flag, and the war is OVER, love won. It was so powerful for me. Because God already won the war, we are free.

God moved at PASSION and I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to go! I am searching for a community to get involved with and grow in my faith and learn more about the love of Christ.

Passion 2012, was life changing. I can't wait for Passion 2013, I hope you will join me in praying for those who went, and the world tour Passion is going on. God is so good and moving in our generation!

Blessings and Praise to HIM!