That's where I find myself right now and it just brings me to a season of sadness and pain. Having someone not be able to forgive you for mistakes you've made is so painful.
I just question why this is all happening, how I can fix it. Usually that ends up in making more of a mess but not with bad intentions. Sometimes I feel like people mistake my good intentions for selfish bad ones and it really hurts me. I know that all these situations are to make us stronger and better but it doesn't make them easier by knowing that. This situation takes me back to 2 years ago almost to the day and that situation didn't get fixed until Christmas. 6 months is a long time without having your best friend by your side.
I feel like I give and give and people just take and take and it leaves me broken and empty. I know partly it's my fault, but I just want everyone to be happy. I guess you can call me a people pleaser and it gets me in trouble because I get upset when everything backfires on me.
Maybe losing people from your life is a good thing. Maybe their story in your life is over, and someone else is coming in. But the thought of losing some of the closest people in my life absolutely destroys me. I know situations like this have a way of working themselves out but it's so hard, so hard to deal it with it alone. Right now I feel so alone, I feel like there's very few people who will actually listen to me. I know that sounds selfish and self-motivated and maybe this is God telling me to trust Him more and talk to Him. Maybe just maybe that's what I'm supposed to be learning. But man, it's so hard.
I am struggling right now with so much and I all want is happiness for myself and everyone around me. I know it'll come and I know God's plan is perfect but it is so hard.
I care so much about the people in my life and I never mean to hurt them or not listen to them. I just want the people in my life to stay. Sometimes I wonder if it's just easier to walk away than work things out, and I would always pick to work things out. I can't just walk away from friendships or relationships of any kind.
I'm just rambling because I'm a mess, at least I'm a beautiful mess according to God.
Just say a prayer for me.
Thanks!
