Monday, December 28, 2009

I'm how old?

Yesterday I saw Avatar with my sisters. (my real sister, and abbey, who's like my sister) Anyways tonight the Lady Ags were playing and I wanted to go so I told Kim to see if Abbey wanted to go. She said yes, so we all had plans to go. No big deal, hanging out with my sisters since there's nothing else to do in this god forsaken town. Well today I'm informed Shannon has come to town, Abbey's cousin. She's going to take them to the game. I wanted to stop and see someone and I asked them to go with me, of course they weren't gonna go because Shannon was in town. I got upset, but whatever. In the long run we all went by to see this person. Anyways Brice meets us at the game, we all sit together. Me and a bunch of high school kids, needless to say I felt old. They started talking about all this drama and stuff, man do I not miss HS at all. I can't imagine what we sounded like when we were in HS. I don't even wanna know.
So Shannon leaves with Kim and Abbey to go see someone, whatever. Me and Brice stay and watch like 10 more minutes of the game then leave. Well we all end up at Whataburger on Rock Prairie, aka the biggest HS hangout ever. So we get there, and I felt so out of place. Like I've never felt that out of place. There were many HS kids in there talking about this and that, and I just felt out of place. So dramatic. Like I never realized how drama filled HS was, until you look at it from an outsiders perspective. If you haven't hung out, or watched a group of HS kids since you've graduated, go do it. It'll remind you what we're not missing out on. Anyways, they were all like 16 and 17 and I'm 20. All of the sudden I felt old.

Extremely old. At 20.

Man, what's my life coming to?

I'm starting to read this book... "Men are like Waffles and Women are like Spaghetti." I'm excited.

:)

Love you!

-Kass

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Good enough?

So recently I've been in deep thought, shocking I know. :)

So my sister's best friend invited her on a trip, then my sister invited her on her family's trip. Sounds fair right? I think so.

I feel like that's never my case. It almost makes me feel not good enough to be around people's families. This has happened to me several times, and it just makes me think if these people are like ashamed for me to be around their families or what? It upsets me a lot too, because I learn of other people going on trips with these people. It just makes me think..

Maybe I'm thinking too negatively but it's a trend and I hate it. It makes me feel like, well shit. :)

Anyways, there's this new guy... He makes me smile :)

Love you.

Kass

BTHO UGA!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

101 in 1001!

Valorie did this and I liked it so I've decided to do it.

So, the mission: Complete 101 preset tasks in 1001 days. The tasks must be quantifiable, with a clear definition and end. They also have to be a stretch, nothing too easy (like blink 100 times in a day). They have to represent some effort on your part. Do YOU accept?

Start Date: December 24, 2009
End Date: September 20, 2012

Not Yet Started
In Progress
Completed



Travel (0/13) (I'm redoing this because I realized 2.75 years is while I'm still in college aka no money)
1 Go on a mission trip (Spring Break 2010 baby!)
2 Spend a weekend in Dallas
3 Go to Lubbock to see the A&M-Tech Game
4 Find a way to see the UT-A&M game in Austin
5 Go on a mission trip somewhere
6 Go somewhere exciting for spring break (Skiing, beach)
7 Go to South Padre Island
8 Visit Ashley and Katelyn in Galveston
9 See The Nutcracker in Houston
10 Go to Washington DC or NYC
11 Visit Austin in Alabama
12 Roadtrip spontaneously
13 Visit UF again


Job/Education (0/12)
14 Get my Aggie Ring!
15 Get a 4.0 one semester
16 Take the LSAT
17 Take a yoga class
18 Take a foreign language most people wouldn't (Arabic, Italian)
19 Learn a lot of formulas for Microsoft Excel
20 Intern with a professional sports team
21 Play the violin again for at least 2 months (0/2)
22 Dress Business Professional for 4/7 days a week for 2 months straight.
23 Run for an officer position in School or Phi Lamb
24 Apply for graduate school
25 Read a book about US History just for fun.

Health/Wellness (0/20)
26 Lose 50 pounds
27 Go one month without Dr Pepper (Started 1/1/2010, completed 2/1/2010)
28 Eat at home for every meal for an entire month and save the money.
29 Drink only water for one month, different than number 27
30 Train for a half-marathon run it
31 Workout five times a week for six month.
32 Go for a walk 20 times
33 Train for a full marathon and do it.
34 Do 100 sit-ups, 3 times a week, for six weeks
35 Don't tan for 6 months
36 Eat the number of calorie you're supposed to every day for a week
37 Be able to bench press half my body weight
38 Be able to workout for an hour straight
39 Learn to ski/snowboard
40 Play tennis once
41 Learn and play Badminton
42 Play 18 holes of Golf once
43 Go to a party on a boat
44 Jump Rope until you can jump rope 30 minutes straight
45 No candy for a month

Just for me! (0/50)
46 Read Twilight Series (0/4)
47 See all 4 Twilight Movies (0/4)
48 Read the entire bible
49 Keep the same phone for 6 months (this has been completed, because I was in progress of it prior to starting.) I'll probably complete this twice!
50 Go a month without Facebook
51 Only listen to KSBJ for 30 days
52 Don't drink Alcohol for 2 months straight
53 Send something to postsecret.com
54 Wear no make up for an entire week within reason
55 See the Transiberian Orchestra
56 Get a new MacBook Pro
57 Blog every day for 2 months
58 Get my brother and sister birthday presents from now until the end of this thing
59 Develop a better relationship with my mother
60 Cook a 3 course meal
61 Go see 10 movies in 3D (1/10) (1. Avatar)
62 Attend a music festival
63 Attend a women's conference
64 Go to Vegas to clubs and gamble!!
65 Go on a picnic
66 Say yes to all requests for a week (within reason)
67 Take my fake nails off for 2 weeks.
68 Wear earrings every day for a month
69 Welcome back someone from the Military
70 Abstain from all electronics for an entire day
71 Meet someone randomly at an airport/on the plane and become friends
72 Do Big Event from here on out
73 Volunteer at a school
74 Kiss in the rain
75 Plant a tree
76 See 10 movies alone in the theater (1/10)
77 Be completely honest with people for at least a week
78 Watch the sunrise with someone important
79 Spend an entire day barefoot.
80 Sing karaoke.
81 Buy something at a thrift store
82 Volunteer at a homeless shelter
83 Drink coffee for a week, and learn to like it
84 Listen to 30 songs produced before 1990 (Beatles don’t count) (10/30)
85 Spend a holiday Volunteering
86 Watch the sunset
87 Read a new verse in the Bible every day for a month
88 Sit by a window in a café on a busy street and people-watch for a whole day
89 Buy many more pairs of TOMS
90 Buy a pair of cowboy boots
91 Donate 1,000,000 grains of rice on freerice.com (1,000/1,000,000)
92 Take pictures in a photobooth
93 Learn to 2 step better

Grown-up things (0/8)
94 Buy a house/condo/pay my own rent
95 Learn how to budget (this is a constant work in progress)
96 Buy more professional clothes
97 Buy nothing but food for three weeks
98 Give away clothes every quarter from your closet
99 Learn how to cook Thanksgiving dinner from start to finish
100 Learn 20 new recipes
101 Donate $150 to a non-profit


This should be fun!!

Monday, December 21, 2009

I hate this.

WHY?!

I'm so ready to pack up and move.

I hate this town.
I hate the people in it.

I just want 2 friends. Real friends. A best friend. That's it. How come that's so much to ask for?

I'm so tired of having no one to tell stuff to, and no one who honestly cares and wants to sit down and talk to me.

I hate this.
I hate crying every day.
I hate change.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Everything is different

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and You're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me wanta shout (HEY!)
that Jesus has been sent
and everything is different.

Christmas Break has sort of stared, well the minus school break has. But I'm still working a crap ton.

This break has already been different. I don't know how to really explain it, I guess the friendship thing sucks. I just feel like I have no one here to talk to. Catie and I haven't spoken in a week, and Caitlin and I are still meh. It just hurts my heart so much. I guess I just am turning to the Lord but I just feel like I have no one and it sucks. It's Saturday night and I won't be doing anything, except staying home and sleeping. AWESOME, not. I just kind of wish I had a best friend again.

It'll never be the same I guess. I just don't know if I can come to term with that.

Just gonna pray.

Everything is so different in so many ways...

Friday, December 18, 2009

So um I miss that..

I miss having a best friend. I don't have one and it hardcore sucks. Like HARDCORE. Like I'm almost in tears.

I miss having a best friend like woah.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

CHRISTmas.

It's that time of year...the Christmas season! I just love this time of year. The hustle and bustle of people at the malls and stores buying presents.

But what's the real meaning of Christmas?

I think Linus can tell you it pretty well:



Fall on your knees! O, hear the angels' voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born;
O night divine, O night, O night Divine.

My new challenge

I want to give a nerdy, loving guy a makeover.

Like teach him how to not be shy, how to dress decent, get a hair cut. Just shape him up. I feel like a lot of guys could use this, in a nice way. I don't mean this in any mean way. It's always been something I've wanted to do.

I might find me a boy in the engineering building next semester and do it.

What do you think? Crazy?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Oh yeah

Lord I wanna yearn. I wanna burn with passion.

I feel like it's the weekend. I'm ready for Sunday to go to church. haha :)

Concert tonight with Ann-Marie, Bradlee and his friend. So pumped.

God did some great thing tonight. Update later.

In His love,

Kass:)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Trust.

Trust is something that's really easy to earn, easy to lose, and hard as hell to earn back. I've learned this.

If we trust God completley we shouldn't worry. Yet here I am worried about if a friendship will fall back into place. The Lord knows, and he has a plan for all this. I guess I'm writing this blog to remind myself of this because I forget every minute of the day of how much I fail to trust in the Lord.

If we trust, we would have no worries for the rest of our days.. (sorry I love The Lion King) It's really not a hard concept

So I tried talking to Caitlin on my sister's facebook and she won't respond. I just don't get this God. But I'm going to trust you with it.

I'm upset and just really hurt, but I'm just gonna trust.

Trust. Trust. Trust.

Maybe it's a good thing..

Have you ever had the chance to start over fresh? I feel like that's what the Lord is teaching me right now. I'm surrounded by new faces, new places and a new start? I guess so.

I don't know how I honestly feel about this. I guess I'm so used to everything old, something new is hard to have. I guess we get into that comfort zone and something new scares us. Sounds like God is showing me where I need to work. On accepting new things and changes.

How many of us have actually gained a new best friend in the last say year? okay how about 6 months? 3 months? It goes down because we get so accustom to the same old grind. This is what God is opening my eyes to. "Kassie, there are other people out there and I want you to see that. I created them all, and you can learn from them." I feel like that's what God is telling me.

This is just what the Lord is showing me in these times of needing to be with Him.

On a side note, I was Facebook stalking (big surprise right) a guy from 4th grade, who I had the biggest crush on back in the day, and he's so grown up! (He moved out of the state and I really haven't seen him in forever) We've all grown up. It's kind of crazy man, we're 20 years old. 2 decades. Have you stopped and let that sink in? 2 DECADES (at least). It's crazy. Anyways, he's so grown up! Man!!!

Life is going good. The Lord is doing great things!

Love you!

Kassie

Monday, December 14, 2009

Well

Catie went home today. She is studying abroad in the Spring and Summer. It was hard. God brought us together this semester in so many amazing ways and because of her I feel like I've grown this semester with the Lord. Especially lately. She challenged me to do something I needed to do, and I did it. It's been the hardest thing ever, but I know it'll end up being the greatest thing in my walk with the Lord.

Catie has opened my eyes to so much about myself and others. She's been so sensitive to me in stuff, and listens and always is positive and tells me what I need to hear even if I don't want to. She kept me accountable, and even when I slipped she always embraced me and took me in and talked things out with me.

We got into fights, and had tears shed. But I feel that all of this made our friendship so real and rich. I feel like I finally know what a healthy friendship is thanks to Catie Colvin. I think this opened my eyes to how fake and not real most friendships are. I guess it taught me what to strive for in picking friends. She's such a great person.

I hopefully will go see her over the break!! :) :) God did such amazing things this semester. I'm going to recap.

Phi Lamb Rush: I was sick for some of it, but it seemed great.

Phi Lamb: I met Catie this semester, had a small group of our own, and had a good covenant group. I was blessed. I'm excited to see where God takes me for Phi Lamb in the future. I went to Date Party with JWo and had a great time! :)

Friends: Ups and downs, but I learned a lot about friendship and how special and precious they are. I gained an amazing friend, and am taking a break from another amazing person, but I trust the Lord in what he's doing.

My walk with Christ: It's getting better. I find myself more aware of how sinful we are as humans. I find myself more aware of how necessary it is to walk with Christ everyday. I think I'm realizing that I need no one on this earth, all I need is Christ. He's opened my eyes to that a lot in the last month. I need to be completely satisfied in Him before I'll be satisfied in any other relationship. I think Catie helped me in this area, and called me out on things. :)

AFTERdark: Was remarkable, and I was so glad to be apart of it. I blogged about it earlier this year. You can click on "AFTERdark" to read my post about how amazing that was.

School: It was difficult but I'm trudging along, not at the pace I'd like to be at, but I'm praying God will give me strength for that.

Family: I think our relationship is getting a lot better, and I attribute that a lot to the christian counseling I've been going to, which I absolutely LOVE. I love it so much!! :) It's been amazing!

Random: I saw Brad this semester, and I don't know how I feel about him right now, but it's something I'm giving to the Lord. I turned 20 this month, and it's been rough so far, but I know the Lord is going to shine in the next year in my life. I'm so excited about what He has in store for friendships, my walk with Him, and my family.

Well that is Fall 2009 summed up briefly...

I pray you have a wonderful break.

Love you guys!

Kass

Friday, December 11, 2009

i will rise.

I recently changed the title of my blog for several reasons..

i will rise.

the i is not capitalized because I'm truly insignificant in this world. i am nothing with out the Lord. nothing.

i will rise above this world. above the earthly things that take me away from my Heavenly Father.

If you really dissect the word/letter "i" it's truly self-explanatory.

In school we were always taught to capitalize I when it stands alone. but really why? Why do we capitalize it?

"i" am nothing important. i do not stand alone. I'm always with the Lord. and only then should i be capitalized. i am merely tiny in comparison to my neighbor and my Lord.

so why do we capitalize "i" when it's alone? Probably because we're self-conscience and can't stand the thought of being alone, but we should remember God is with us always.

next time you go to write "i" think about why you capitalize it, really think about it.

but for now. i will rise.


There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
i can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And i will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
i will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
i will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And i will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
i will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
i will rise

And i hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And i hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

And i will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
i will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
i will rise

i will rise.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I don't think so.

You will not get the best of me.

No one will. And can.

Austin and I talked tonight, man I love that boy. 7 years and counting.

I've been sick all day....ugh. I just wish my head would be gone.

I'm frustrated with so much but I'll explain later.

Going to pass out to get rid of this stupid sickness.

BTHO Finals guys!

<3 You!

Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18


-Kass

Sunday, December 6, 2009

This is who I am.

So recently Shane and Shane played in town and I fell in love with their new album. God really spoke to me through this song and I'm gonna explain each part. :)

I am a new creation,
the old is passed away
and I’m made new
I’m made new.


I am a new creation because I have Christ, He has made me new.

And I have been adopted,
the door is opened up
for me to know you
be like you


I'm adopted to be his Child, and he loves me so much and because I know Christ I can have a personal relationship with him.

This is who I am
I’ve been born again
the Cross is my defense, my hope secured
now my life is in Your Hand
on Your every word I stand
Lord I’m finding who I am in all you are


I LOVE this chorus. This is who I am, I am not the person I was because I have been born again. The Cross took my sin and secured my hope and future. My life is in Christ's hands and I stand on his words. Everyday I'm finding that my life is in him, and him only.

When my heart condemns me
tells me I am guilty
Your greater
Your greater


My heart condemns me and I am guilty but he is greater and will forgive me.

Jesus you have searched me,
and even in your finding
You have loved
and You love me


Even when the Lord searches me and finds me unworthy, because we are, he loves me. :)

This is who I am
I’ve been born again
the Cross is my defense, my hope secured
now my life is in Your Hand
on Your every word I stand
Lord I’m finding who I am in all you are


Just a great Chorus again

For He made Him who knew no sin
To be sent
On our behalf was crucified
Oh that we could be the righteousness
Of our creator


He sent his son for me. :)

I am a new creation,
the old is passed away
and I’m made new
I’m made new.


I am made new because of him. How awesome is that?!

:)

-This is Who I am
Shane & Shane

Saturday, December 5, 2009

RUNAWAY

It's been a long week, I've got a slow leak in my left front tire.
I'm sick of where I work, my boss is such a jerk, don't care if I get fired.
My backs about to break, no money in the bank, and she don't call me anymore.
I'm down to my last ring, it's time to sell my things,

And pack my bags, and never look back, run a parallel line with the railroad tracks, and make my get away.
I put the pedal to the metal as the sun goes down.
Leave everybody sleepin in this sleepy town tonight, and at the break of day, I'll be a runaway!

A hundred miles in, I got a stupid grin on my scruffy face.
With every cigarette, I'm burning my regrets.
Don't want to leave a trace.
And from the rear-view, I've got clear view of who I used to be.
A little bit faster now, don't wanna turn around.

I'm gonna pack my bags, and never look back.
Run a parallel line with the railroad tracks, and make my get away.
I put the pedal to the metal as the sun goes down.
Leave everybody sleepin in this sleepy town tonight.
And at the break of day, I'll be a runaway! I'll be a runaway!
I'll be a runaway, I'll be a runaway!

It's crazy, I know, to count on this road and give me what I need.
But with every state line, somehow I find, another part of me.
Yeah-e-yeah!

I'm gonna pack my bags, and never look back.
Run a parallel line with the railroad tracks, and make my get away.
I put the pedal to the metal as the sun goes down.
Leave everybody sleepin in this sleepy town tonight, and at the break of day, I'll be a runaway! I'll be a runaway! I'll be a runaway!

Friday, December 4, 2009

You know...

I'm not perfect. No one is perfect, that's why we have the Lord.

I'm definitely not perfect. I'm wellll aware.

For the last 6 months or so I've been going to Christian counseling and it's made a huge impact on my life. I've had slips ups, I'm human that's normal. Am I proud of them no? Do I run from them? No. Mistakes happen. No sin is worse than any other sin in the Lord's eyes. I think we, as Christians, don't believe in this. We think underage drinking is way worse than lying which it isn't. We, myself included, judge people way too much. I'm guilty of this and it happened to me tonight. I became more aware of how we as Christians live.

If you've read my blog you know Caitlin and I aren't friends right now, and to be honest I don't know if we ever will be. It breaks my heart, but every time I try I get shot down I feel like.

Tonight someone who was supposedly my friend was talking so condescending towards me and insensitive it really hurt me. This week has been awful for so many reasons and all this wasn't helping. I felt like Caitlin made me out to be a bad person, which was never my intention.

I have failed the Lord so many times, but I'm thankful that his blood covers all that. I've lied, drank, coveted, disrespected my parents, disobeyed, you name it I've probably done it. But we've all failed the Lord and I just don't think someone can call someone a bad Christian or person for that.

I am trying so hard to live for the Lord better, and it's hard and to be treated like you're worthless and useless hurts. Words are double edged swords and they can hurt if you say them wrong.

I guess I'm finding out who my true friends are and aren't.

I just hate memories because they remind me of the good in people, and that's all I want to see. I hate seeing that bad in people and I always look for good. ALWAYS. But I'm so tired of that, why do I do this?

Why do I still care about someone who obviously doesn't even care about a friendship of like 4 years? Why do I care? Because I trusted her with everything.

It breaks my heart to feel the way I do. It breaks my heart to know how many people act like they care, but they really don't.

I'm tired of this life. So tired of it.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Heyyyy

I'm 20.

I celebrated with friends yesterday

and we're celebrating again tonight.

I'm so lucky.

Love you guys.

:)