Saturday, February 19, 2011

Where do I go?

Ending a relationship for good of any kind is the hardest thing we have to do as humans, in my opinion. Relationships are how we thrive, how we live, how we become who we are.

I mean think about it, you're in a relationship with every person you encounter. The girl who checks you out at the grocery store is your grocery checker outter, and if you're like me, you know most of the people who check you out because you go at the same time and same day usually, oh the things we do subconsciously.

All the people in our class are our classmates, and we have a relationship with them by going to the same school and being in the same class. Your professor and you have a relationship by them being your elder, in theory, because they are there to teach.

Your best friends, because they give you advice, drink your sorrows down with you, and party hard when something good happens. They are also those people who are completely honest with you about everything, including if you look fat in a dress.

(Speaking from a girl's point of view) The boys that you date/see, because they are the ones you can always count on to cry to, laugh with, kiss in the rain, and sit on their lap. They are the ones with whom's hand you hold in a semi-scary movie. Or cuddle with when it's freezing out. They are the ones you are really close with.

What happens when relationships end? For the first few, it's part of life on a daily basis. For instance, I've created a relationship with someone in my class, but I don't talk to them every day. Just on days when necessary. Professors, it ends after the semester.

What happens when relationships with your best friends end? In my case, I've lost a best friend, although we're still friends, not as close as we used to be, but I've gained a new best friend or two. It's kind of funny how that works, and it's quite remarkable. For me, it's been a great thing. It's kinda nice to have new best friends. It sucks losing the old ones, but they helped shaped me into who I became.

Boys. Recently the boy that I love, and always probably will have cut ties completely. I deleted him from my life last night. It was honestly, the hardest decision I've made in my life. I was numb and in shock, I wanted to marry him one day. He is one of the only people I honestly trust in this world. He gave me the best advice, and listened to me about everything. I wish I could go back and do things so differently, but hindsight is 20/20. I don't know, last night was rough, I cried a lot. I just don't know. I'm a fool for love, and a fool for him. I guess all we can do is move forward. And trust my best friends who will be there for me through it all.

I just don't know where to go, he was my everything, besides Jesus. haha. I would do anything to have him back in my life for good. I guess I just need to move forward.

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Monday, February 14, 2011

Okay.

It's Valentine's Day, whoopee? NO.

There is no need to tell someone on this specific day of the year you love them, you should show that every day.

In fact, today is annoying. This is going to be my ranting blogpost, btw. It reminds me that I'm alone, and no one will buy me flowers, or a teddy bear. It also reminds me that the person I love, will probably never love me back, and I just can't let them go. It's so hard, and I don't know what to do.

They won't even really talk to me, and if they do it's super short. "Cool." "Yup." Stuff like that, freaking annoying. But at the same time, if they didn't want to ever talk to me again, I feel like they wouldn't respond to texts, etc.

I don't know. I just want someone to take interest in me, you know?

But to all my friends, Happy Valentine's day. Thank you to Becky and Zac for inviting me to dinner and stuff. They are the best friends a girl could ask for.

Love you guys,
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