Ohhhkay

I'm in this really weird nostalgic mood. Tonight I was having a conversation with my best friend and the past kept getting brought up and it brought me back to pictures. Pictures from high school, all the way through the current time of my life.

It's absolutely CRAZY. My heart just sunk, and my body became numb. What happened? Yeah, yeah. People grow apart, but what really happened?

Do we just throw away those meaningful relationships we once had? Is it because we're "too busy," "too different," "too far away," "things are just different now?" I personally think those are all superficial reasons. A provoking thought: "Honestly I don't think people can change. You know, at the end of the day, you are who you are and that's probably who you've always been." Another thought is maybe people change, and you change, and their change meshes with your change thus, you stay friends. I don't know, just a thought.

Do we change? Maybe our thoughts and stuff, but let's face it when you're hanging out with your friends do we get in a political debate every time? Or do we argue about intellectual things? Probably not, that's what your job is for. They are the people you drink a beer with, and relax with. The people you float the river with and talk about how the one night after a huge event in your life you fell asleep at a bar. You know, those kind of conversations. That's what friends are for. I mean of course, they are the people that you would tell pretty much anything to. Like how you hate your manager, and all you want is out of this god forsaken town. At the end of it all, when you're with people you've been around for a long period of time, they probably are the same. They bring out the childish, crazy, fun side of you. I bet if I got around one of my old best friends from high school, it would pick up where it left off, well once we got back on good terms. (More about that later.)

Is there really any good reason to just stop talking to someone? Definitely, if they become a felon, or a bad person. A bad person is a touchy label, it's definitely up for debate on what makes a person "bad." But someone your parents probably wouldn't want you hanging out with is a good judge of someone. Unless it's for stupid reasons, such as they are ugly or something. I don't know, as I looked at my old Facebook tonight, tears came down my face. I started thinking of the good times I had with certain people. What happened? Why did we just stop talking? I wonder what our last conversation was? I know I saw a few comments from an old best friend of mine from high school, and I absolutely know that we didn't end on good terms. That really upsets me. But my heart right now just longs for some of these relationships to just go back to how they were. Unrealstic goals? Probably, but I really do.

I have this thing about me that I don't want anyone to not like me or hate me. While, I know that this is nearly impossible, I make every effort to try for this not to happen. It can get me in trouble, big time. While I'm trying really hard to make something right, it could end up making it 100 times worse. Super.

Why did you end friendships/relationships? The real reason? I know that my head is spinning as I ask this question myself.

I'm going to read a book, do something different. Maybe hide from the world for a few weeks. My options are limitless. Maybe I'll try fixing a relationship or two. Who knows.

On a side note, I'm super excited about this weekend to go to Houston for my cousin's wedding. I can't wait to see my Aunt and Uncle from my dad's side. I love my family.

Be Blessed,
Kassie