You know...

I'm not perfect. No one is perfect, that's why we have the Lord.

I'm definitely not perfect. I'm wellll aware.

For the last 6 months or so I've been going to Christian counseling and it's made a huge impact on my life. I've had slips ups, I'm human that's normal. Am I proud of them no? Do I run from them? No. Mistakes happen. No sin is worse than any other sin in the Lord's eyes. I think we, as Christians, don't believe in this. We think underage drinking is way worse than lying which it isn't. We, myself included, judge people way too much. I'm guilty of this and it happened to me tonight. I became more aware of how we as Christians live.

If you've read my blog you know Caitlin and I aren't friends right now, and to be honest I don't know if we ever will be. It breaks my heart, but every time I try I get shot down I feel like.

Tonight someone who was supposedly my friend was talking so condescending towards me and insensitive it really hurt me. This week has been awful for so many reasons and all this wasn't helping. I felt like Caitlin made me out to be a bad person, which was never my intention.

I have failed the Lord so many times, but I'm thankful that his blood covers all that. I've lied, drank, coveted, disrespected my parents, disobeyed, you name it I've probably done it. But we've all failed the Lord and I just don't think someone can call someone a bad Christian or person for that.

I am trying so hard to live for the Lord better, and it's hard and to be treated like you're worthless and useless hurts. Words are double edged swords and they can hurt if you say them wrong.

I guess I'm finding out who my true friends are and aren't.

I just hate memories because they remind me of the good in people, and that's all I want to see. I hate seeing that bad in people and I always look for good. ALWAYS. But I'm so tired of that, why do I do this?

Why do I still care about someone who obviously doesn't even care about a friendship of like 4 years? Why do I care? Because I trusted her with everything.

It breaks my heart to feel the way I do. It breaks my heart to know how many people act like they care, but they really don't.

I'm tired of this life. So tired of it.