Tuesday, March 2, 2010


I just don't know these days.

Do you ever just care about someone and you have no earthly clue why? I feel like I like guys too fast but every time I try to not, I fail, miserably.

No guy has really liked me back like I've liked them, and I've really never let it show. I never let this kind of stuff get to me, I'm stronger and better than this is what I tell myself. But it's not true, I'll sit there and let a guy walk all over me, and I'll pretend I'm okay with being friends, when I'm really not. And what happens? Kassie gets hurt, really bad. But there's this part of me that sees the good in every single person, they could've literally ripped my heart out but I'd still look for the good in them. It gets me into so much trouble. I just wish I didn't care so much about every single person in my life, you know?

I just don't know what to do. I'm at a crossroad. I just don't want to care, but I do. I just want to have the strength to get rid of people in my life, but I can't. I have so few friends as it is, but when I know for a fact I can't just be friends with someone but I try? Why?! I know that if I hang out with this person, I'll try so hard to convince him to like me and all that, when I know good and well that's never going to happen. Why do I do this to myself?

For example, I told boy a that I couldn't pretend we were okay, and I'm fine with just being friends because I'm not. And you know what was going on in the back of my head? "Maybe he'll run after me." Like how stupid am I? I'm pathetic.

I end up crying myself to sleep, just like I will tonight.

I'm so tired of caring and such. I'm tired of wanting everyone to be happy even if it means I'm depressed. I'm so tired of this.

I'm the type of girl who will fall for a guy she barely knows; who
will listen to a love song and see his face; who will look for him
wherever she goes. I'm the type of girl who doesn't get over
things easily; who will beat herself up when someone doesn't
love her back; who will cry herself to sleep because she feels
she's not good enough. But I'm also the type of girl who's strong; who
can cry her eyes out and then forbid them to come back the next
morning; who will blast some old pop song and sing it at the top
of her lungs because she feels like it; who will be no one but herself.

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