Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Oh man.

Do you ever have people take things the wrong way? And then it completely ruins a relationship/friendship?

Yeah, me too.

But it's got me thinking, when has this happened to me, in the fact where I've taken something wrong and not given the person the time or day to discuss it with me? Probably super often.

I'm becoming a lot more conscience of things I say and do, because of this kinda stuff. It's not worth losing friends over. It's not worth it. It's all petty.

I hate when people are mad at me, and it gets in trouble sometimes because I keep trying to make things right, because it hurts me to have someone mad at me, when I genuinely feel bad for what I did.

But then the realistic side of me thinks, "Why do you keep trying Kassie? They clearly don't care, and aren't going to give you the time of day."

But then the nonrealistic side of me thinks, "Maybe they'll come around, and listen to you. Maybe they'll wanna work things out if not for the good, at least to be civil."

Oh man.

I guess maybe this is one big lesson that I'm learning little things from. Like this lesson.

But then the depressed side of me thinks, "What if I die tomorrow, would they be at my funeral?" "If I got in a bad wreck, would they even care?"

I hate thinking those thoughts, but it's true. Would they?

I genuinely feel bad for how someone took some things, but at the time it was how I was feeling. I wish things were different, I wish you were one of my best friends again. But I completely understand we're in two different cities, and different lives.

Granted, I've screwed up. My life isn't perfect, I make mistakes, and I probably am not living the way I should be. I depended on you entirely too much before, I'm learning to depend on myself and God, and it's hard, but it's a work in progress daily. But this is my sincere hope and prayer is that we can at least be semi-friends again. I cherish friendships, because I don't have many of them. You're friendship meant the world to me, because you knew so much about me and helped me through so much. We've been to hell and back and survived, and I know that we can be friends, and I think our friendship would be so much stronger right now. I think you're absolutely one of the best people I know. Best morals, and standards of any of my friends. You've changed the world, whether you know it or not. I sincerely appreciate you have being in my life, and if you never want to be there again, I understand.

I also, apologize. For anything negative you might have heard me said. I never meant things to be taken as they were. I never thought you were a bad person, or anything of the liking. I was at a loss for words with how events happened. I honestly don't know why we stopped talking, it just kind of happened.

I hope you can find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me and give me another shot at being a friend.

I hope you are doing well, and will at least think about what I said.

I do love you and care about you greatly.


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